I've been trying to climb out of this shlt my whole life. Away from all these bullshit. I knew what I was adopting was wrong or it felt wrong at least but what would a child know of. Am I not a child to the infinte knowledge of everything and nothing. It makes no sense to relinquish what could have been my memories and what is now my nightmare, my faithful servant to the cause. My lonely companion through my journey, in every turn and every scene my faithful mate. How long have I been experimenting that it is now no more than a routine, a habit.. a simple jolt of reflex. Too late not even my faithful dearest can save my sanity, I have taken on what had made my past and would now make my future.. a cloak of horrid disgust, a mantle full of distaste and unwanted lies. It feeds now on my moral principles & stains my vision.

Yet through that moldy path my struggle survives only to torment me further, it does not give me peace for an eternal curse it bothers my very existence. I am now weary from all that would not have been had not been the reason for my coming into this world but should I not be contented to just have been able to walk the plains of the living. To walk as a living dead through the world eyed by the delusions which could only have been the sow I reap from what my device had brought me.


I disgust myself in many ways, so many ways.

&

I thank you for all that.



Because no matter,
I'm still living.
Disgustingly with a heavy heart,
with a deceitful smile.




This is my sorrow.
My understanding,
my pain.



Jason.